Ages and stages
Last week I referred to the ages and stages that children go through on their self esteem journey. Now that the new baby has unquestionably usurped my toddler's place in the family as "the baby" I was curious how it was effecting his development, and naturally the devlopment of his self esteem, so I set out on a world wide web mission to find out.
It was helpful to run across this bulletin that actually spelled out the stages, and their growth markers. Now when he says "No!" with such dramatic conviction I can say to myself - ah yes, Toddler Stage, first steps to Independence, check.
Infants
Self-esteem for infants is nourished by attending to basic needs and building a sense of trust. When infants cry, they are telling you that they are hungry, sleepy, cold, wet, or lonely. The way you respond to those needs tells your baby a lot. Babies need to be held and cuddled. They need adults to talk, sing, and play with them.
When basic needs are met, babies develop a strong sense of trust and security. The manner in which needs are met also sends messages. Parents who feed their babies just to quiet them send a different message than those who also interact with their babies to make eating a pleasant experience. Our actions often speak louder than words. Even though infants cannot understand every word that is spoken to them, they are sensitive to tone of voice, smiles, and laughter. The way adults conduct everyday routines with infants tells them whether or not adults enjoy being with them.
Toddlers
The first step away from babyhood is a step toward independence.Toddlers establish a sense of self by learning to do things for themselves and by touching, tasting, and feeling everything in sight (even when it is forbidden). At times this new-found independence can make a toddler seem a bit bossy. “No,” “Mine,” and “Me do it,” are favorite words.
Creating a safe environment and letting a toddler explore fosters this sense of independence. When parents encourage their children to help by pulling off socks or wiping the table (even if it takes longer), they are letting him develop important skills and a stronger sense of self.
Preschoolers
Preschoolers sometimes seem grown-up. They can feed and dress themselves, they love to imitate adults, and they are eager to please. Self-esteem is tied significantly with learning new skills.
As they develop from an energetic 3-year-old into a more competent 5-year-old, they begin to develop an awareness of their own personal interests and skills. For example, most 3-year-olds are not critical of their art projects.
They are more process oriented than product oriented. When they use play dough, they care more about the experience of squeezing, pounding, rolling, and squishing than what they actually produce.
On the other hand, 5-year-olds are much more aware of details and pay more attention to the work of other children. They learn by comparing their work to the world around them. As they strive to polish their drawing skills, it is not uncommon to hear them express a great deal of dissatisfaction.
They want their drawing to look like a “real bird” or “real truck.” This dissatisfaction doesn’t necessarily mean that they have poor self-esteem. It just means that they are beginning to learn more about themselves and their personal skills.
School-agers
As children enter school-age they are very optimistic about their abilities. Often, they also have very high expectations about doing well in school.
Such a positive attitude is wonderful. It is helpful, however, to remember that young children have not had many opportunities to discover their strengths and weaknesses in an academic setting.
It is not uncommon for schoolage children to set standards that are frustratingly high or low. Children this age have not had much experience in setting and achieving goals. Also, they do not have the capacity to measure their own strengths and weaknesses.
Adults can help by providing experiences that are challenging, yet achievable. Progressively learning new skills and becoming competent in those skills are sure ways to achieve a strong sense of identity and self-worth.
Bottom Line for Parents and Child Care Givers
Whatever the stage, GOAL ONE is to help your child feel lovable and capable.
(Reprinted from Iowa State University bulletin "Understanding Children's Self Esteem")
Do you sometimes wish you could slip your child a dose of healthy self-esteem that would last a lifetime? 
Were you a Highlights kid, like me?
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