Expressing Love to Your Child

Expressing Love to Your Child

Some wonderful studies have been done on how humans like to receive love and the six preferences that emerged were dubbed the Languages of Love (look for it in another post of that name).  If you haven’t read about these languages, briefly these predispositions go like this -- some humans like to “get love” in physical ways, like hugging, touching, so their Love Language is Physical Connection.  Some others like tangible proof of love, such as little love notes or gifts, so their language is Gifting. Others like to talk, interact verbally, and be praised with words. Since communication is an everyday way for expressing love, let’s talk about it.

In addition to saying the words “I Love You”, there are many other ways to communicate love to a child. They go by subtly different names, but they still directly communicate love. And, we all know, expressing love is a sure fire self esteem builder for a child, or an adult for that matter!

A Good Compliment

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment!”  Tell your child in words the things you feel in your heart for her. Express that you are proud of her, that she is beautiful, that you love her very much. Compliment your child for the small, genuine things, such as what a beautiful smile she has, how the sound of her laughter makes your heart happy. Just remember to always keep your compliments genuine. Children have a very finely tuned “false compliment radar”.

Words of Affirmation

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate Love to a verbal child is by communicating that we believe in him, through “Words of Affirmation” that include support and encouragement.  Some examples are reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If our loved one’s Love Language is “words”, he will be especially responsive to words that affirm him; so offering encouragement will help him to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Appreciation

Let your child know she is appreciated just for being her, without a catch. Some examples are: saying you wish you had ten kids just like her, or that you are so glad she is in your life. Also let her know that you appreciate her for specific things she does that you asked her to do, for example, brushing her teeth without being told.

Praise

Another way of defining praise is to say “giving credit where credit is due”.  Get in the habit of look for opportunities to praise your child for authentic accomplishments, from putting her shoes on the right feet, to being well behaved in the grocery store, to passing a pop quiz in later years.

We can never compliment, affirm, appreciate, praise or say “I love you” enough to our children (or each other!).  You never know when something you say hits the sweet spot in your child's heart that makes an impression she'll carry with her throughout her life.